I have always been fascinated with life. I ask a lot of questions but I don’t always get answers. I used to get so worked up whenever that happens. I need answers! I learned though that it’s not that answers aren’t available, it’s a question of whether I’m open to hearing it. You’ve heard it before, read it or your pastor talked about it for an hour one of those Sundays. You need to be open to hear the answers, to experience life’s majesty.
The teacher will arrive when the student’s ready.
And that’s true.
At least for me. That teacher could be a song, something you read in the newspaper, or hear this — even your parents or your actual teacher.
One day, I was in my Kundalini yoga class. It was my first actual class, I had only been doing it online. It’s different from Hatha yoga (the kind that most people know), it’s hard to explain, and it’s one those things that you got to experience to fully understand. In one of the meditations, the teacher led us to release all unnecessary burdens, wounds, or baggages that do not serve a purpose in our life anymore. Surprisingly, I thought of my mother. I love her to death, in measures she will never know. But I needed mothering from her, in ways she couldn’t give to me. She just don’t have a concept of it. I saw how my grandma treated her and I understood. I’ve accepted, or so I thought. I’ve forgiven her a long time ago, so thinking of her during meditation came as a surprise. Maybe I’m still hurting. Every time I see her, talk to her, be with her, I turn to that five year old little girl waiting for her mother to look at her, and say “You are the most beautiful thing, Van!” I never heard that from her. Instead she would always urge me to be better – to one up my “opponent”, whoever she thinks that may be. She said, that’s her way of challenging me, helping me to be the best person I can be. So I guess that’s her way of showing her love.
My mother loves me, I know that. That’s not even a question.
She was crying on my wedding day while getting ready!
So as the music intensifies, the meditative state I was in deepens… my tears started to fall. Dang it!
“No, I’m not crying in a yoga class! I’ve never cried in a yoga class before!”
My yoga teacher was saying as well as the soft words of music;
“I am your mother, allow me to be your mother, and I honor all the mothers out there.” She further said, “Release all the hurt and pain inside, it’s no longer serving you..”
I lost it! Streams of tears were rolling down my face. It won’t stop! I looked for my towel, to quickly and secretly wipe the tears.
…And then happiness and this amazing lightness started overwhelming me. I’m supported, I’m loved and I’m nurtured!
As the class slowly came to an end. I was feeling more forgiving, more nurturing and more expansive myself.
That was the lesson I needed.
And it’s all because I allowed myself to be taught. I let go, finally , of needing to know. I just allowed the teachers to hold me, teach me in ways I could’ve never imagined. The answers then came pouring in.
Life is all about learning — it means to fall down, believe you’re supported and get back up. Again and again. We need to allow ourselves to experience the pain, then the joy and bliss that comes after it.
We just need to be available and present.
Who else is your teacher? I’d love to hear how life is teaching you.